I Don't Know


First off, let me make something super clear. This is NOT a post about the election, the candidates or what’s wrong with the state of the world. The creative impulse to write just happens to coincide with this particular moment in time where all eyes, ears and voices are focused on the long awaited outcome of a flailing system.  That’s flail with an “L” or fail without the “L” – you decide.

I listen to such a variety of stories and life themes on a daily basis in the sanctuary of my cozy office. People come through the door and reveal their deepest pain, ask probing questions, pull together pieces of their puzzle with familiar “aha’s” – all in an attempt to make sense of this mystery we call Life. Each person brings the gift of a mirror to my own self-awareness and deepening understanding of planetary influences. Ultimately though, this sacred dance leaves me leaning in to the questions with a laser focus to hear where no sound can be found.

I pretty much always come away with a reverberating - I Don’t Know. Especially now when this particular juncture in history has time collapsing to reveal patterns and themes that can’t be confined to a linear construct that’s so, well, limiting. Yes, we’re healing, releasing, transforming, forgiving – all of the above and more. But what does it MEAN??? That’s the million dollar question.

I Don’t Know.

I am, however, committed to finding out. Committed to discovering what it feels like to live without the strait jacket of conditioning that wants to bind me to a reality that does not feel TRUE. And not talking political reality here – but human reality – age old reality – fear based reality – hierarchal reality – a rule based reality that I don’t want to follow anymore. Freedom from the known is – as I grow more whole well into this 5th decade of living – the most secure sense of possibility my Taurus self has ever experienced.

So the answer to everything becomes – I Don’t Know. But not knowing does not denote passivity or unreliability or naivety or lack of awareness to another’s reality. To sit with the questions of, “Why?” or “What?” or “Who?” or “When?” or “Where?” or “If this?” or “If that?” requires tremendous faith and patience. Particularly when the only answer forthcoming is – I Don’t Know.

When the empty space of no-thingness surrounds me, I can actually relax, breathe into peace and lean against the soft cushion of no expectation. Then the only thing that makes the most sense to me becomes a deepening of acceptance of what is. Now don’t jump to a conclusion here that I’m not interested in the world or making it a better place. I eat, sleep and breathe the offerings of self-change for a better experience in the body and on the planet.  But I definitely pick and choose what I ingest.

As I’m typing this post, the phrase “to know Love is to Know God” floats in.  It sounded kind of familiar so I googled it just now. Okay, it’s from the Bible (I’m the last person who would consciously know that) and must be so part of the lexicon that it seeped into my own airwaves. But the truth is, I believe it. The God I have a relationship with is and only can be, Love. So where am I going with this?

I Don’t Know

But following the path of Love as an embodied expression of all the unanswerable questions seems like the only sane route to take. So that’s where I’ll continue to stake my claim in these changing times and unprecedented exploration into new territory.

And for anyone who wants to come with me, I invite you join me in framing an expanded reality we can all live within. Let’s design a new set of rules where firm convictions and “knowing” what’s right and true are left on the oppressive drawing board of the past. Let’s linger in “I Don’t Know” as a deeper process of self-discovery to find out what magic the Universe has in store for us. It’s practical magic at its best. The shaping of tangible with the intangible – combining the vision of the seen with the unseen – and the known with the unknowable.

These are the building blocks for a shared, collaborative, collective undertaking that holds renewal and possibility as the only viable option. In the meantime, I’m going to keep my finger on the pulse of the question and let this great Mystery called life reveal the glimmers of awareness along the way. I’ll do my part to stay in a visceral and reciprocal space of lovingkindness, taking action on what is mine to take – and otherwise waiting on the Will of Heaven to illuminate the dark.